(Не) в деньгах счастье: экономить или тратить?

Почему среди нас существуют богатые скряги и бедные транжиры? Потому что наше отношение к деньгам зависит не от размера доходов, а от особенностей нашей личности.

Познать себя 

(Не) в деньгах счастье: экономить или тратить?

«Деньги — металлические и бумажные знаки, мера стоимости при купле-продаже, средство платежей и предмет накопления», — объясняет толковый словарь. Но это далеко не все, добавляет психология: для нас деньги подчас играют роль языка. Они позволяют выражать желания, чувства, передают наше отношение к жизни.

Способ, которым мы привыкли тратить деньги, нередко никак не связан с реальными доходами: каждому доводилось встречать богатых скряг и бедных транжир. Среди нас найдутся такие, кто берет в расчет каждую копейку, и те, кто не может устоять против искушения спустить все, что лежит в кошельке. Некоторые размышляют часами, прежде чем совершить обычную покупку, другие даже в стесненных обстоятельствах не откажут себе в удовольствии.

Наши представления о финансах настолько субъективны, что впору задаться вопросом: а возможно ли вообще адекватное отношение к деньгам? И какие мотивы побуждают нас быть жадными, расточительными или демонстрировать свое презрение к деньгам?

Почему некоторым трудно расстаться с деньгами

Среди знакомых Валерия никто не знает, сколько именно он зарабатывает. Зато тема «Как все сегодня дорожает» — одна из его излюбленных. Кажется, его главная забота — убедить всех в том, что он живет буквально на грани нищеты. Когда другой заводит речь о своих финансовых проблемах, Валерий тут же уходит от разговора: не может быть и речи о том, чтобы что-то у него одолжить… Все его поведение продиктовано потребностью накопить и сохранить свой капитал в нетронутом виде.

«Существуют так называемые экзистенциальные потребности, глубоко укорененные в природе человека, — объясняет психолог Анна Фенько. — Их всего четыре: это потребность в безопасности, власти, любви и свободе. Стремление к ним в разной степени присуще каждому, но любая из этих потребностей может превратиться в навязчивую страсть».

«Те, кто не в силах расстаться с деньгами, — продолжает французский психотерапевт Элизабет Мартен, — видят в них символ власти. Многие убеждены, что деньги способны решить любые проблемы. Их самое большое желание — контролировать мир, психологически доминировать над друзьями, близкими, коллегами по работе или подчиненными. Но страх, что средств может не хватить, наоборот, делает таких людей рабами, ставит в зависимость от денег».

Потребность сохранять накопления в неприкосновенности также может быть связана с внутренней неуверенностью, незащищенностью

Скупцы часто получают неизъяснимое удовольствие, неоднократно пересчитывая деньги, — каждый сэкономленный рубль для них победа. Ничто не утешает их больше, чем поход по магазинам с нулевым результатом. Так они проверяют свою способность к самоконтролю.

Потребность сохранять свои ресурсы в неприкосновенности также может быть связана с внутренней неуверенностью, незащищенностью. Таким людям деньги служат подспорьем, позволяющим ориентироваться в жизни. Чтобы как-то смягчить страх перед будущим, Владимир крайне экономно распределяет семейный бюджет, лишая себя и родных вполне доступных им удовольствий.

И каждый раз удовлетворенно вздыхает в конце месяца: у него осталось более чем достаточно. Все ведь надо предвидеть: если он вдруг заболеет, или останется без работы, или…

«Здесь речь идет о гипертрофированной потребности в безопасности, — комментирует Анна Фенько. — Да, человек подвержен болезням, стареет, смертен… Все мы испытываем страх. Полностью избавиться от него невозможно, но некоторые пытаются сделать это с помощью денег. Известно, что к старости многие люди, склонные к такому способу «откупиться от судьбы», становятся особенно скупыми. Это понятно: с возрастом человек чувствует себя более уязвимым…»

(Не) в деньгах счастье: экономить или тратить?

Темперамент расточителя

Чем более подавленно чувствует себя Вероника, тем чаще она отправляется по магазинам: «Покупки меня успокаивают». «Транжиры часто находятся в состоянии внутренней тревоги, — подтверждает Анна Фенько. — Не будучи шопоголиками, многие испытывают желание потратить деньги в период неуверенности или тоски». Такие люди освобождаются от денег, на самом деле пытаясь сбросить с себя гнет тяжелых переживаний. Более тяжелая форма расточительности уже сродни зависимости: это иррациональный ответ на внутреннюю пустоту собственной жизни. Наряду с обществом Анонимных алкоголиков уже давно существует общество Анонимных должников.

Помимо тревожных транжир встречаются и «стрекозы», которые предпочитают не замечать, как они тратят деньги. «Бухгалтерия — это совсем не мое, — оправдывается Марина. — Приход, расход — уж лучше всего этого не знать». Большинство «стрекоз» кажутся беспечными. «Однако такое поведение часто свидетельствует о безотчетном желании по-страусиному спрятать голову в песок из страха перед будущим — объясняет психотерапевт Жерар Лувен. — Отказ от подсчета расходов — проявление желания себя защитить».

Иногда тяга к расточительству может исходить из агрессивной потребности заставить платить за себя кого-то другого. Это как раз случай 20-летней Алины: «Я считаю совершенно нормальным радовать себя покупками… Но зачем же вкалывать, надрываться за деньги? Моя мама помогает мне, оплачивает квартиру, отдых. Вообще-то я ведь не просила меня рожать, так что, если она берет мои расходы на себя, это справедливо».

Всегда держать наготове открытый кошелек — это способ купить любовь и уважение окружающих, не тратя при этом собственных чувств

Потребность тратить все без остатка также может быть вызвана неосознанным желанием за что-то наказать самого себя. «Обычно такие люди вкладывают средства лишь в провальные проекты, словно некая злая сила не дает им порадоваться своей прибыли, — объясняет психоаналитик Смайли Блантон. — Потребность наказать себя часто посещает и игроков: поэтому они почти никогда не останавливаются, выиграв определенную сумму».

И все же воздержимся от категоричных обобщений: существуют «стрекозы», которые просто хотят извлечь из материальных благ удовольствие, которое те способны дать. Если бесконтрольные траты — явный признак инфантилизма, то умение радовать себя в разумных финансовых пределах, напротив, доказательство зрелости.

Изнанка щедрости

Муж Жанны — широкой души человек. «Поначалу его подарки льстили мне как доказательства любви. Но теперь, когда я пытаюсь объяснить ему, что мне нужны еще и ласка, нежность, теплые слова, он протягивает кошелек со словами: «Купи себе что хочешь, дорогая». Меня это бесит. А если я начинаю жаловаться, он удивляется: «О чем ты говоришь? Ты же ни в чем не нуждаешься!»

«Всегда держать наготове открытый кошелек — это способ купить любовь и уважение окружающих, не тратя при этом собственных чувств, — объясняет Жерар Лувен. — Избыточно щедрые люди часто испытывают чувство вины, своими широкими жестами пытаясь оправдать себя». Истинная щедрость редка. Ею наделены те из нас, кто умеет отдавать без желания, нередко бессознательного, обязать, поставить от себя в зависимость, привязать к себе того, кого мы одариваем.

(Не) в деньгах счастье: экономить или тратить?

Похвала бедности?

«Я не выношу тех, кто придает значение деньгам, — признается Анна. — Истинное богатство скрыто в каждом из нас». «С этой мыслью трудно поспорить, — говорит Анна Фенько. — Однако современный мир устроен так, что именно оплачиваемый труд — основная привилегия взрослого человека. У ребенка ее нет. «Мне наплевать на деньги» — это позиция подростка, который боится входить во взрослую жизнь, участвовать в социальном состязании на зрелость. Он отказывается становиться взрослым, не хочет брать на себя ответственность, менять свое социальное положение и принимать мир таким, какой он есть. Боязнь денег — это боязнь взросления».

Что такое денежная анорексия

Эта «болезнь» проявляется двумя противоречащими друг другу симптомами: человек страстно хочет денег и в то же время испытывает чувство стыда, которое мешает ему в этом преуспеть. Он боится стать богаче, попросить об увеличении заработной платы, не может потребовать назад долг и, главное, не в состоянии доставить себе удовольствие, не испытывая при этом угрызений совести.

Чтобы как-то убедить себя в своей правоте, страдающие денежной анорексией обманывают самих себя, говоря, что деньги им безразличны и что возможность жертвовать собой для них высшее удовольствие.

Такое недомогание в прямом смысле дорого обходится денежному анорексику. «Я не могу потратить на платье четверть зарплаты, — говорит Софья. И добавляет: — Впрочем, выходя из магазина, я обычно замечаю, что не смогла сэкономить. Я отказалась от красивого платья, которое мне так шло, а вместо этого купила на распродаже два других, которые нравились мне гораздо меньше… и в итоге обошлись дороже».

Девушка страдает глубоким чувством вины, которое толкает ее к самонаказанию: отказывая себе в страстно желаемой покупке, она еще и платит за это по полной. Желая сэкономить, такие люди парадоксальным образом тратят больше, чем рассчитывали.

Деньги — инструмент исполнения желаний, поэтому невозможно исключить из отношения к ним эмоциональный элемент

«Мы стесняемся купить себе дорогую вещь, как будто это выдаст какую-то нашу интимную тайну — тайну желания, — добавляет Анна Фенько. — Почему мы предпочитаем заплатить за то, что нам не нравится, нежели уступить своему желанию? Наверное, в детстве родители крепко вбили нам в голову, что «надо быть скромнее», а «деньги надо тратить с умом». С умом — значит, без удовольствия. Ведь именно контроль над удовольствиями — основной механизм культурного контроля — того, что называется воспитанием».

Получать от них удовольствие

«Вряд ли абсолютно рациональное отношение к деньгам можно считать здоровым, — продолжает Анна Фенько. — Деньги — инструмент исполнения желаний, поэтому невозможно исключить из отношения к ним эмоциональный элемент. По-настоящему здоровое отношение к деньгам встречается нечасто. Оно сформулировано, например, в новозаветной формуле «кесарю — кесарево». На светский язык я бы перевела ее так: «Деньги — это всего лишь деньги». Они позволяют решать некоторые проблемы и исполняют некоторые желания, но далеко не все».

«Выстраивать здоровое и зрелое отношение к деньгам необходимо на уважении к себе и к возможности зарабатывать деньги, не стыдясь этого, не испытывая угрызений совести, — заключает Смайли Блантон. — Нужно иногда позволять себе приятные, хоть и пустые траты. Домохозяйка, которая время от времени кормит семью макаронами, отложив небольшую сумму на букет цветов или поход в кино, — более здоровая и счастливая женщина, нежели та, которая из чувства жертвенности постоянно отказывает себе в любой радости».

И не беда, если мы порой позволим себе выйти за рамки бюджета, — гораздо хуже ограничивать себя. Лишать себя удовольствия — значит бежать от жизни. А потому здоровое отношение к деньгам основывается в первую очередь на здоровом отношении к самому себе.

Три типа клиентов банков 

Наше отношение к банковскому сервису способно многое сказать о нас самих — к такому выводу пришли финансисты французского Banque Populaire. В ходе исследования «социальной модели банка» они выделили три типа клиентов.

  • Доверяющий: для него деньги — это средство. Он спокойно оплачивает сервисные услуги, которые ему предоставляет банк, понимая, что это помогает ему эффективнее использовать собственные деньги. В конце концов, банк — такое же предприятие, как и прочие.
  • Осторожный воспринимает деньги как защиту, а банк — как защитника. Для него банк — это не обычное коммерческое предприятие, но скорее «добрый отец», который должен защитить «ребенка»… и не злоупотреблять своей властью.
  • Критичный считает деньги средством эксплуатации и уверен в том, что его банк именно ею и занимается. Сотрудникам банка приходится постоянно вести «разъяснительную работу», чтобы не дать разразиться конфликтам.

Источник: psychologies.ru

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